Simpsons Porn Story: Unexpected Connections Chapter 9

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The day after the party, I was experiencing a thesaurus of sentiments. This seemed to be a usual state for me now that I was in love. I sighed and swung back and forth on a swing during recess at school alone. No one seemed to notice my pensive mood, and why should they have? It wasnt really that my pensiveness was different. It was more the cause of it that had changed from matters of the world to matters of the heart.

Finally, someone approached me and sat on the swing next to me. Unfortunately, that someone happened to be my brother. Hey, Lis. Whats with the long face? I thought you and Mr. Smithers got on pretty well last night. He smiled mischievously. Aw, whats the matter? He didnt take you back to his apartment like you were hoping? Aw, Im sorry. Maybe on the second date, though. Dont worry. He seems like a traditional guy. Hes probably just waiting for the right time.

Oh, shut up, Bart. Thats sordid and distasteful, I said in a monotone voice. I was too contemplative to even sound angry.

Bart laughed and continued to taunt me. Come on, Lisa. You know you want to. Its okay. Everyone has sexual feelings. Maybe not for a middle-aged nerd, but whatever.

Bart, I said, shut up, okay? Now there was an elevation in my voice, not one of anger, but of desperation for something more than teasing. And luckily, Bart recognized that.

Im sorry, Lis. I was just kidding. Kind of, at least. But really, whats going on?

I swung back and forth, eyeing the white granules of sand beneath my feet. Well, its just I looked up at Bart. I knew that if I was going to tell him my current problems, I would have to admit the truth. I just had to talk to someone, and although I wasnt positive he was the right person, I would have been too embarrassed to talk to my parents about it and my friends, my practically nonexistent friends, would never understand. I cringed inside and took a deep breath. Well, first, I suppose I have to admit it. I dohave a very slight crush on Mr. Smithers.

A very slight crush?

I groaned, annoyed. Fine, a hopeless infatuation.

Thats more like it, I think, Bart said, smiling. We were quiet for a moment. So, what do you like about him anyway? Hes such a boring square.

I grew irritated. Well, I happen to like squares. And hes definitely not boring. Quite the opposite. Oh, Bart, he was top in his class at Stanford University! He stands up for womens rights! He is an art expert! He speaks Swahili! I sighed dreamily, getting lost in my own world before realizing that Bart was staring at me. I giggled embarrassed and nervously and said, Umwellanyway, thats not the point. The problem is, I had a wonderful time at the party. I just grew to like Mr. Smithers even more. Stop making that face, and listen to me! Okay, so, you probably saw that when we were dancing, Mr. Smithers ex-wife approached us and they got into a bit of an altercation.

Barts mouth gaped open. That scorching hot babe was Mr. Smithers ex-wife? Whoa, man. Hell never go for you after that chick. Puh-leez!

Bart! I exclaimed. Just listen for a moment, will you?

Bart then pretended to zip his lips and nodded like an angel. I suspiciously continued, So, when they were talking, Mrs. Smithers made some odd comments about Mr. Smithers. Like that he usually went for older people. And that there was something about me besides my age that was wrong for Mr. Smithers.

Bart began to laugh. Lisa, I love to be the one to break this to you, but Mr. Smithers is a total closet case.

What?!

Oh, yeah. You didnt pick up on that after these times you spent with him? Bart asked. Tsk, tsk. Some genius you are!

My heart felt stabbed. What are you talking about? How do you know if Mr. Smithers is that way?

Bart sighed. Well, I guess I dont know. But in the past, there sure have been signs. And even if there werent, who would divorce that babe if they werent gay? Seriously.

I contemplated this and tried to still the sense of dread that weaved throughout my body. Well, we cant assume anything.

Of course not. Thats why were going to ditch school and go down to Springfields gay community right now. Ill prove it to you.

I looked back at class and remembered the promise I made to Mr. Smithers about not ditching anymore. Then I looked to my brother and considered that I would only be focused on this problem anyway if I were in class. I tapped my fingers nervously on my thighs, turned to the school, then back to Bart, and diffidently made my decision. Okay. Lets go. Do you have any money for the trolley?

AUTHORESS’S NOTE: Thank you all for reading and reviewing thus far. It means a lot to me:) Also, I’m holding a little contest. Whoever gets this question right first will get a character named after them in this story. :) Question: Why did I name Smithers’ ex-wife Maggie?