Simpsons Pornography Story: Isla Nuclear – Chapter 1
A/N: Well it has
been a long time but here is my next story and hopefully you like it
as much as my other stories. By the way I don’t own any Simpsons
characters or any fictional characters that are real fake characters
on fictional TV shows or movies that really exist.
Isla
Nuclear
The
couch gag has all the Simpsons as caveman family and instead of a
couch there is a log. Homer is trying to learn how to start a fire
and does but starts it on his clothes and runs around panicking while
the rest of the family is jumping up and down with excitement.
Homer
goes to his closet to grab his shoes. He puts them on but his toes
pop through the end of them. He ignores it and begins tying them but
the shoelaces rip right off. He begins to walk out of the house but
Marge spots him.
Marge:
I don’t want you walking around with those pathetic shoes anymore.
You need to break down and buy new shoes.
Homer:
Shopping on a Saturday. What a waste of my time.
Marge:
Oh yeah a waste of time. I’m sure you were planning to just lay
around all day.
Homer:
(Defensively) for your information-(quieter) yes.
Marge:
Go.
Homer:
Lousy shoes, wasting my time shopping on a Saturday.
Homer
drives to a local shoe store called Athlete’s Foot Wear. He looks
around the store when the Squeaky Voiced Teen comes up to him.
SVT:
Can I help you sir?
Homer:
Yeah I’m looking for your most unique shoes that you have in stock.
SVT:
Come with me. (He leads him to the back) We wouldn’t dare put these
ones out on the store floor. (Shows a pair of ugly purple shoes)
Homer:
They’re perfect. How much?
SVT:
Actually we’ll pay you.
Homer
walks out of the store showing his shoes off. Of course everybody
notices how ugly they are but Homer is oblivious to it.
Homer:
I think this calls for some good music from my iPod. (He starts
listening to Paolo Nutini’s “New Shoes” while strolling
down the street)
He
walks into the house with them on and finds Marge.
Homer:
So what do you think of my new shoes. (Marge slowly looks down at
them and slowly puts her head back up) So?
Marge:
They’re ugly.
Homer:
But the store paid me to get rid of them.
Marge:
You aren’t seriously going to wear those to work.
Homer:
That does sound like a good idea.
Marge:
Promise me you won’t wear those things to work tomorrow.
Homer:
What’s the big deal? Imagine what could happen to me if I wore them
to work. I could get a pay raise. (He imagines himself walking into
work getting compliments from all of his coworkers) (He walks right
into Mr. Burns office instead of his station because he’s so
confident that he will be rewarded for his shoes) Well what do you
think?
Mr.
Burns: About what?
Homer:
Have you noticed anything different about me?
Burns:
New haircut.
Homer:
(Looking disappointed) No I haven’t really had hair in a long time.
Burns:
Oh I know what it is new shirt right?
Homer:
No I’ve worn the same shirt for a while.
Smithers:
Sir if you just look at him you’ll notice he has new shoes. (Mr.
Burns slowly looks down at his shoes and looks back up)
Burns:
Get out of my office with those things.
Homer:
But don’t I get a pay raise?
Burns:
Fine I’ll add 1 cent to your salary.
Homer:
Woohoo.
Burns:
Just get out of my office and don’t come back.
Back to
present time
Homer:
Wow 1 cent.
The
next day Homer puts them on his feet and gets ready to go to work.
He is just about out the door when Marge stops him.
Marge:
Where are you going with those shoes?
Homer:
To work.
Marge:
Those are the ugliest shoes I have ever seen. I’m not letting you go
to work with those on.
Homer:
But how many shoes have you seen?
Marge:
what does it matte-
Homer:
Thanks, love you. (Kisses her and leaves for work)
He gets
to work and starts expecting all of these compliments from his
coworkers but instead they just stare at him.
Co-worker:
Homer what were you thinking wearing those here today?
Homer:
Outside the box. (Smithers comes on the loudspeaker)
Smithers
(over loudspeaker): Homer Simpson please report to Mr. Burns office
to discuss your salary.
Homer:
Here we go. (He walks into Mr. Burns office) You wanted to see me,
sir.
Burns:
Yes I couldn’t help but notice that youre wearing different shoes.
Homer:
You noticed.
Burns:
Yes and I have decided to give you a pay raise.
Homer:
Woohoo in your face Marge.
Burns:
But there’s a catch.
Homer:
A catch?
Burns:
You’ll get your pay raise if you can survive a weekend on my Island.
Tell me, have you ever heard of a little Island off the Pacific
coast.
Homer:
Hawaii.
Burns:
Shut up not that one. I’ll show you on this map. (He pulls out a
map from the early 1800’s) Now its west of the Louisiana territory
and off the coast of the Spanish territories.
Smithers:
Sir that map is almost two hundred years old.
Burns:
It doesn’t matter we’ll just need to be careful of the Spanish.
Homer:
Can I bring my family?
Burns:
I guess they’re expendable too. (Homer leaves) (Burns whispers to
Smithers)
Smithers:
Sir I can’t hear you. There’s really no point of whispering since
Simpson is not in the room anymore.
Burns:
Ah it wasn’t important anyway.
Homer
comes home that night all excited and tells his family about what
happened.
Homer:
Marge, kids, because of my shoes I’m going to get a pay raise if I
spend a weekend at an Island I’ve never heard of.
Lisa:
You mean Hawaii.
Homer:
No not even you’ve heard of it.
Marge:
Was he being serious?
Homer:
You bet and all of you can come along plus a Co-worker of mine. I
chose Lenny and then I realized I better bring Carl along too because
those two just go together in some weird way.
Bart
and Lisa seem sold on it because they’re just excited to have a
vacation and beg Marge to go with them. She finally decides to go
but decides to have Grampa watch Maggie while they’re gone.
Meanwhile
Smithers meets Comic Book Guy at some Star Wars convention and takes
a seat next to him. Comic Book guy yells his name out to him to get
his attention.
Smithers:
You shouldn’t yell out my name I don’t want people to know I’m here.
Comic
Book Guy: No one cares now what do you want for me because I’m
strapped for time as I am late for a Jar Jar Binks autograph signing.
Smithers:
(Looking around) here is your assignment.
Comic
Book Guy: One million dollars!
Smithers:
Did you read what you have to do?
Comic
Book Guy: What does it matter, I’ll be rich.
Smithers:
Glad to do business with you. (They shake hands) (Smithers tries to
avoid all the nerds at the Star Wars convention)
Smithers
gets back to Mr. Burns office.
Smithers:
He accepted the offer.
Mr.
Burns: Excellent. (He just stares forward for a few seconds while
Smithers stares back)
Smithers:
Uh sir are you all right?
Burns:
I’ve said what needs to be said already.
The
Simpsons, Lenny, Carl, Mr. Burns, Smithers, Comic Book Guy (CBG), and
Blue-Haired Lawyer get on Mr. Burns Private Plane.
Blue-Haired
Lawyer: Mr. Burns you need to assure me that this place is a good
idea.
Burns:
Well certain sacrifices may need to be made along the way. (They fly
towards the Island) There it is.
Homer:
Looks a lot like Hawaii.
Burns:
It may be the same size and shape as Hawaii but I assure you its
much cheaper.
They
fly over the rainforest and they see some weird animals down below.
Lisa:
Those almost look like dinosaurs which of course is absurd since they
are extinct.
Burns:
Not as absurd as you may think as I’ll show you.
They
land and get off the helicopter and Mr. Burns welcomes them to Isla
Nuclear. They see all kinds of dinosaurs around.
Lisa:
This is not possible.
Bart:
Lisa open your eyes there are clearly dinosaurs walking around.
Lisa:
But thats not possible.
Homer:
Lisa listen to Bart open your eyes and look around.
Lisa:
Mom.
Marge:
Listen to your brother. (Lisa growls in anger)
Lenny:
Mr. Burns how did you do this.
Burns:
Well that would be kind of a cheat now would it but I will bring you
to the plant so you can start your tour.
Marge:
Tour?
Homer:
Plant?
They
arrive at a nuclear power plant. Mr. Burns welcomes them to Isla
Nuclear Nuclear Power Plant. He shows them around and introduces
them to some people that work there.
Burns:
This is Dr. Graf. He will be running the tour and making sure the
dinosaurs stay safe.
Carl:
What about us?
Burns:
I’m sure you’ll be fine. Now here is Dr. Arnold. (Its Dr. Arnold
from Jurassic Park but of course no one knows that. He does have one
big difference in that his arm is missing)
Bart:
What happened to your arm?
Dr.
Arnold: Well I had a little run in with a raptor a while back.
Someone found my severed arm and thought I was dead but really the
dinosaurs just ate my arm.
Lenny:
Thats reassuring that they only ate his arm.
They go
outside of the building to a road.
Burns:
These will be your vehicles for the afternoon. (Golf carts roll up)
Homer, Marge why don’t you go in the front one.
Lenny
and Carl go in another one and Bart and Lisa being smaller go into
one with the Blue-Haired Lawyer and Mr. Burns goes back inside the
plant. He goes up to Arnold, Graf, Smithers, and CBG.
Mr.
Burns: We’ll make sure they’ll have a tour that they will never
forget.
Smithers:
Start the tour. (Screens show the three golf carts going down the
road.
(Lenny
finds a radio) Mr. Burns I was just thinking were in golf carts
making us kind of vulnerable. What do you have to protect us?
Burns:
Fences.
Lenny:
Are they Electric?
Burns:
No. (Everyone in their golf carts look worried) Don’t worry they
are very tall. (Everyone breathes a sigh of relief) I was talking
about the Dinosaurs. (Everyone gets worried again)
In
Bart, Lisa, and the Lawyer’s cart Bart and Lisa are fighting about
the dinosaurs existing.
Lisa:
Bart, dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
Bart:
Youre extinct. (They go back to fighting when Smithers comes over
the radio)
Smithers:
(Over radio) you are now approaching the first Dino area. This
creature is called the crapasaurus. It weighs 1 ton although most of
that is crap. It spits out a deadly toxin at its prey which happens
to be crap. (Everyone looks disgusted)
In
Homer and Marge’s Golf Cart Marge is becoming suspicious of Mr.
Burns.
Marge:
I think Mr. Burns is up to something.
Homer:
Really well lets find out. Mr. Burns are you up to something?
(Burns over radio) No.
Homer:
Ok just curious. (Looks at Marge) See nothing unusual.
Back at
the Isla Nuclear Nuclear Power Plant there is the usual crow caw but
midway through its caw a loud roar is heard and the crow is eaten and
it gets quiet. Everyone is looking at a Tropical Storm moving their
way.
Smithers:
I told you we should have built in an area that was not conducive to
Tropical Storms.
Burns:
Pish Posh it will go around us.
Smithers:
Its already hitting us in fact its raining outside right now.
Burns:
Ok we need to execute our plan now. You (points to Comic Book Guy)
(Burns walks over to Comic Book Guy whose looking at Porn online)
Quit wasting time.
Comic
Book Guy: I find it hard to believe that looking at Porn is wasting
time but very well let me just save it in my favorites and I’ll be
ready. (He goes and saves it on his favorites and every favorite
website is some kind of porn website)
Burns:
Get the replacement shoes.
Comic
Book Guy gets up and leaves but Mr. Burns points out that he needs to
hit the execute button on his computer before he leaves. Comic Book
Guy does this and goes on his way. On his way Comic Book Guy passes
in front of the Cryogenic frozen section. He goes in front of the
Celebrity section where Paris Hilton and her dog Tinkerbell are
frozen together. He walks past David Blaine who tried to pull off
the escaping the water tube bit but Mr. Burns tricked him and froze
him in the tube. He then walks down the Sports hall of shame section
where some of the least liked Sports Players are frozen. Barry
Bonds, Ron Artest, and Michael Vick are there. Finally he reaches
the replacement shoes which are even uglier than Homer’s current
ones. He puts them in a bag of his and leaves the building and goes
out into the pouring rain and takes off in his own golf cart.
Meanwhile
the three golf carts have arrived at the T-Rex area. By now everyone
has seen a number of Dinosaurs and are excited except Lisa who
continues to pout about it.
Burns
(over radio) well try to provoke the rex by feeding it. (A cage
pops out with Rosie O’Donnell in it)
Homer:
Oh its hideous.
Marge:
Homer thats not the Rex thats just Rosie O’Donnell.
Rosie
O’Donnell: And I thought the View was Hell. Although now that I
think about this is still better. (She pours blood on her) In case
youre wondering where I got this blood from well Elisabeth
Hasselbeck won’t be seen on the View anymore. (Suddenly a roar is
heard)
Lisa
and Bart look at their water cups and the water is doing nothing but
it is getting stale. Suddenly The Rex appears. Bart and Lisa
Scream.
Rosie
O’Donnell: Come on you stupid rex eat me or I’ll blame you for the
Iraq War. (The Rex looks at her and brushes her off)
The Rex
steps right over the small fence. The Blue-Haired Lawyer can’t take
it and gets out of the car and runs to a nearby bathroom. He gets to
the front and sees one room marked women’s with the sign. He finds
another one marked and sees the men’s sign and finally gets to the
last one marked food and sees a sign of a dinosaur with his mouth
over a man sitting on a toilet and he goes into that one.
Lisa:
He just left us here.
Bart:
It looks like it.
Homer,
Marge, Lenny, and Carl look worried. Bart closes the door the Lawyer
left open and Lisa tries to stop him because the rex would hear it
but the rex apparently didn’t hear it and both Bart and Lisa give out
a sigh of relief but the Rex hears that and roars and attacks the
golf cart tipping it on its side. Bart and Lisa are obviously
scared. Homer and Marge try to think of a plan to distract the rex.
They find some sparklers and get out of the car.
Homer:
Hey over here. (He waves the sparkler around and he throws it away)
(Lenny sees what is going on and comes out with his own sparkler)
Lenny:
Hey you over here.
Homer:
Lenny no.
Marge:
Homer the kids. (Bart and Lisa have almost been pushed off the side
of cliff)
Homer
and Marge grab both Bart and Lisa and quickly run off towards the
woods. Meanwhile Carl is worried about Lenny.
Carl:
Lenny no you’ll get killed. (Lenny throws it towards the bathroom)
Blue-Haired
Lawyer: (Hears the rex coming) Hey I’m going to the bathroom here.
(The rex crashes through the bathroom and Lenny and Carl get buried
in the pieces of the Bathroom)
Blue-Haired
Lawyer: Can’t you wait until I’m done before you eat me. (The rex
doesn’t listen and eats him and roars in approval when he’s done)
End
of Part 1